When we find The Work we go through the process of learning the four questions and the turnarounds and all about the role of the Judge Your Neighbor (JYN) Worksheet.
We may think that the process of doing The Work is all about filling in a JYN.
We’re told that what we need to do is ‘find a moment’ and from that place fill in our worksheet.
So we do. It’s usually really easy to find a moment when we start doing The Work, we have so many things that irritate or upset us, that we can go there easily.
And, we fill in our worksheet.
Then we sit and do The Work and don’t feel a whole lot different. Sometimes we might feel a shift.
Over time though we notice that this same thought keeps coming up, over and over again.
I have heard people say at this point that The Work doesn’t work. It’s not The Work that’s not working it’s how they are doing it, that’s not working.
We did The Work on the moment. Why is it still showing up?
Well what you did in writing out your worksheet was most likely an analytical exercise.
Sure you went to a moment, and you let your mind fill in the worksheet. You were totally in your head.
From that space, you are not fully in touch with the emotion that you felt, in the moment.
That is the big difference between simply ‘Doing The Work’ and what I call ‘Sitting In The Work’
When you sit in your work, that one moment is the most intense emotional moment that you had.
You are willing to drop right back into the emotion, of that moment, and from there you find your one liner, or the number one statement on your worksheet.
When you sit in the feeling, in the emotion and let that speak, your statements are very different.
They are short. They land. You feel the connection between what you are feeling and the statement or statements that you write down.
In order to find this place, you need to slow things down.
Doing The Work is not about rushing.
I like to call it ‘slowing down the movie’… the one that’s running in your head, showing you the picture of your moment and what happened; the moment you felt the shift in your emotional state.
Once you allow yourself to drop into this place, you are sitting in your work.
You are sitting in the moment, feeling the emotion and working to unravel what has caused that emotional shift.
This is what The Work is about. Kindly meeting the emotion and questioning the thoughts behind what caused the emotion to be there.
For people willing to sit in their Work, when they question the thought, interestingly enough they find it doesn’t come back again, not unless it has a strong pull and you still see that it’s true. And you will notice a shift in how you feel regardless. The emotion won’t be as intense.
You may also find there are other thoughts sitting, associated with the emotion that is left.
This is the slow process of doing your Work, one belief at a time. Taking baby steps.
The other key in this process of sitting in your work is this, meet the child who had the experience.
She is the one who felt hurt by what her Mother said to her. She is the one who felt unloved and unwanted in that moment.
Be open and willing to meet her. If the adult in you continues to do The Work you won’t ever get to the place of healing the hurt child inside you. And as Katie says “If she’s not okay, you’re not okay.”