How often have you had the thought ‘my husband is a workaholic’?
If you’re like this wife, then I would suggest often.
My husband called a co-worker Tuesday night after 10:30 p.m. and talked until almost midnight about business. This person was also on vacation. This was not an emergency call, and I feel, regardless of whether the co-worker kept the communication going, that my husband was out of bounds in making this call. Was he? ” – Alison Green
It can feel like the most frustrating and debilitating time in your life.
Your husband who spends many long hours each and every day at work, or at home talking about his work, then takes time off for vacation. You may even decide to go away some where, have that holiday that YOU have wanted for a while, which hasn’t materialized, because he’s so busy, and this happens.
About the call
He makes a call to one of his co-workers, late at night and talks until past midnight. I can certainly see where my mind is in this situation.
- He shouldn’t be calling about work when he’s on vacation
- He should have left work behind when he started his vacation
- He shouldn’t be thinking about work at all
- He should get off the phone
- He shouldn’t be on the phone so late.
What I really want in this situation is for him to hang up NOW! I need him to see that he’s ruining my evening. I need him to realise that he’s not at work any more. I need him to focus on being at home with me. In this situation I think he’s uncaring, an idiot, too focused on his work, not thinking about me, a workaholic.
I notice my reaction, how angry I get with him when he’s making the call. I want to go and grab the phone and hang it up.
This is one of those situations where I notice that I am fully in his business. I am more over there on the phone call with him, than I am in my own body.
If I was able to sit without the thought that “He shouldn’t be making the call” I would notice that reality is, that he is making the call. I would hear him talking to his co-worker, realise that it’s his business that he is talking about work on the call and leave him to the call. I could and would be more present with myself in that moment to do what feels right for me; walk away, go to bed, read a book, watch television, whatever feels right.
Life is very different when I stay in my own business.
About his ‘addiction’ to his work
I also notice the thinking going on in my mind about him being ‘addicted’ to his work. I don’t want him to be that way and yet it feel so helpless, that I can’t do anything about it.
Is your husband like this? If so you might like to begin to notice what it is that you are unhappy about when he works so much. Is it that:
- He’s not spending enough time with me/the family
- He’s always working
- He should shut off
- He shouldn’t drink/smoke/eat so much
- He should get more sleep
- He should be eating better
- He should be exercising
I find that in this situation I spend a large amount of my time worrying about him and what he needs to be doing better and I forget about me. Or, if I do do things for me it is with heavy feet and a feeling that I shouldn’t be doing them.
If you are interested in exploring how you react to your husband being a ‘corporate addict’ i.e. addicted to his work, then reach out to try The Work.