Do you have trouble making decisions? Find you spend a lot of time in the “I should”/ “I shouldn’t” space when you make a decision? Do you notice that you back and forward trying to make a decision and yet you really struggle with it? Why not try the double bind…
Grief can feel like something too big to touch. We often choose not to grieve for fear that we will be engulfed by emotions and have no way out. It seems safer to shut down our feelings of sadness when a change occurs in our life, especially if it is…
Do you tend to rush through the process of working a JYN (Judge Your Neighbour Worksheet) and try doing it in your head?
When you do that, do you have trouble finding the turnarounds?
Getting still in question three
From my experience, I notice that the turnarounds fall out of my work when I fully sit in answering the four questions. When I sit in the moment where I felt the most emotion and from that place answer Question 3 – How do you react, what happens when you believe that thought? I notice when I am connected with what I was feeling, my answers come easily.
Meditating on question four
Going to Question 4 – Who would you be without the thought, is then a process of getting still and noticing. Sitting in my response to question four allows me to become still and notice all of the things that change for me when I am not there with the thought.
Being in that place, without the thought the response to the Turnarounds then naturally come for me. I can find the first turnaround easily, as one of them seems the most natural next step in my inquiry. Then the others show themselves from there.
Follow the simple directions
What I noticed works best for me, is to follow the simple directions and ‘Do The Work’ answering the four questions first.
Shortcutting the process by either jumping straight to the Turnarounds or rushing through working the statements is of little value. Not taking the time to meditate on the statements, I noticed I feel as though I have short changed myself. I’ve
Slow down and take your time to meditate on the Judge Your Neighbour worksheet. Do The Work on all or many of the statements on your worksheet. I found peace when I do that.
Do you watch your child’s anxiety build or only notice it once it has built? At the same time do you notice your anxiety building or only notice it once it has built? Whether you realise it or not your child will be picking up on your anxiety levels. They…
Do you constantly feel like you’re not being listened to? Have you noticed that for most of your life you’ve had this believe. Did you believe you were invisible when you had that thought, even when you spoke? My story was that no one seemed to hear me. No one wanted to listen…
Snowballing emotional reactions to situations from Karen Munro on Vimeo.
When you notice yourself responding to a situation with an extreme emotional reaction slow down and consider if you’ve had a snowballing effect occur.
What do I mean by a ‘snowballing effect’?
It is my way of describing when you have an extreme emotional reaction to something, that started some time back. It was triggered when you first felt the emotion.
Let me explain what I mean with an example. An hour before the incident in which you reacted in with an extreme emotional reaction something small occurred that you reacted to. Your angry was triggered when something wasn’t done the way you expected it to be. This is incident number one. Here your emotional snowball is very small.
Then half an hour afterwards, you knocked something and broke it. Your anger in that moment was a little more intense. The original situations emotion was built on and so your anger snowball got bigger.
When the third incident occurred, you receive a phone call tell you that you have to complete a task and it feels as though the time frame is too short for you, your anger erupts. You might yell at the person on the phone in an extreme way, much more than you would if you reacted without the others triggers occurring. You feel extreme intense emotion in that moment.
This is what I mean by the snowballing effect. The first incident was the equivalent of a small pea size snowball of emotion. The second incident had that snowball become the size of a tennis ball of emotion. The third incident grew the size of that snowball to be a basket ball of emotion. If you continue to build on your emotion, in my example anger without looking at it, then your snowball will be the size of a house before you know it.
Question your thinking from your first reaction
This is why it is valuable to notice at the first situation that you had an emotional reaction. It’s at that point that you can do something about it by questioning your thinking. This will stop the snowball effect. When the second incident occurs, whilst you might react it will not be in such an extreme way.
And, if you notice that you’re not able to stop and look at the first situation when it occurs, and you react at the second situation, then it’s still a good time to go back and consider that there may be two separate situations to look at and inquire into.
What if there was a way to start to manage your worrying? Stick with me and I’ll provide you with some tips and tricks that I’ve learned that are working. Why do you worry? There may be lots of different reasons why you worry. I’ve worried about anything and everything…
Which is the most difficult relationship in your life right now? Is there one relationship that you feel isn’t working? There’s disconnection and a feeling of un-love. It’s the one relationship that feels as though it impacts on your ability to be happy with your life. And whilst it might…
What does it feel like to realise that you have a failed marriage and you’re getting divorced? The fairy tales that tell us we will be married to the one partner for our entire life time and we believe them. When that doesn’t happen we instantly feel like a failure. Especially when…
Feeling overwhelmed? Some days it can feel as though EVERYONE wants something from you. It’s understandable you’re feeling overwhelmed. Your partner wants you to follow up on the car insurance because they don’t understand it; then your son wants you to take him to soccer training so you can talk…